Mental Movement

Goodbye January and good riddance, I won’t miss you.  Despite all my excitement of having a socially acceptable ‘dry’ month with cosy evenings reading, watching movies and catching up on household admin, it was a total let down.   I work with lots of clients who are afraid of ‘negative’ feelings – anger, envy, sadness, fear – but indifference is the real killer.  That numb, can’t be arsed, whats the point, kind of nothing feeling that suffocates out everything else and sort of swallows you into a black hole.  Its like sinking into quick sand and you can see where you are headed, but it feels like there is nothing you can do but let it happen.  That’s been my January.  Its been like my brain has recreated a drunken/numb state and just left me to marinate in it for 30 days.   Its not like I’ve been tempted to drink – I’ve simply not been tempted to do anything!!

February is new clean shiny month, yup, its peeing with rain outside and decidedly grey looking but new shoots are poking through in the garden and the evenings are beginning to feel a little lighter.   Despite having a garden the size of a postage stamp, I love gardening.  Spring for me is about new growth, the gentle nurturing of delicate new plants and buds, the maintenance of more established ones and the sowing of seeds that will give pleasure later on in the year.

So I’m going to think of myself as a garden.  Last November I planted some bulbs of sobriety, after a winters hibernation  little green shoots are getting ready to appear and I want to be kind to them. There is weeding to be done (my blasted to do list!!) and perhaps a bit of shelter required to protect them from external elements (friends expectations, social events, criticism)  I will fertilise with a large dollop of self care to make the most of what I already have, (namely my neglected exercise and relaxation routines) and have a good think about what belongs on the compost heap as  recycling and decluttering will make space for my shoots to flourish and grow strong.  Finally I’m going to sow some more seeds – some things to look forward to and give pleasure later in the year.

It may be muddy out there, the weeds are tall and some are prickly,  but the frost has lifted.  Time to pull on my gloves and get to work!!